Thanks, but no thanks
09 July 2009 | By jackie-kgmi in UncategorizedHow do you handle unsolicited advice? I’ve found myself getting advice and tidbits of “wisdom” that I didn’t ask for and in some cases, would rather not hear (these are usually related to my personal life, not professional). In most cases, I take it with a smile (even though I’m usually a bit taken aback) and try to muster up a, “Hmmm…that’s an interesting idea,” or “Thanks, but I think we’re happy with the direction we’re going in.”
Do you find yourself in this position? How do you respond?
Here’s the basic formula: _____ (fill-in-the-blank: friend, co-worker, relative) asks about our upcoming wedding, honeymoon, house projects, my personal work-out regime (ANYTHING), I then answer …and I get bombarded with advice or even horror stories related to whatever I’ve just told them about.
Is that the best way people can relate in conversation?
For example: At our wedding reception, we’re not having a DJ. We’re putting together playlists on our ipod, which we’ve observed recently at 2 other weddings that worked well. Why would fill-in-the-blank person then say “Well I really think DJ’s are really superior and they’re not that expensive…It’s not too late to look into that as an option.” And there have been times where this suggestion-session doesn’t end there. It becomes their mission to talk me into whatever they think is the “right” answer.
Maybe this is a silly example (I really don’t want to throw any friends under the bus by being too specific here), but I think it shows the lack of tact people can display. Are they assuming that we haven’t weighed our options? We have! I probably over-think many decisions in my life, so I guess I can’t help but feel puzzled and even a little put-off by overbearing suggestions.
13 July 2009 | BarnCat Said:
Well, about things like that My advice to you would be…,
Jk,
Just nod and “Uh-huh” appear interested lol file it away as an option, nothing more.
I find myself falling into that trap with some people, forgetting a simple statement is, to their ears, a request for them to step in and Suggest! {Or you wind up with some anecdotal drek like from guys like BarnCat, that just annoys the heck outta me.}
16 July 2009 | Nichol Said:
Maybe you have lots of people who care and unsolitice advice goes with the territory as with those who work with the public. One of you nice smiles and maybe a thank you for your input but we have decided this is best for us. Maybe turning it back on the acvice giver and ask them what they did and why. I have gotten lots of advice and input on my life for years and appreciate the care and maybe love it comes from. Life is just too short to worry about careing people in your life as many do not have this. Think about what is said and give your smile and go on knowing their are many who care about you and feel blessed.
17 July 2009 | Heidi Larson Said:
Hi, Jackie.
My opinion on this matters is: People have so many outlets now for their personal feelings, opinions, rants/raves (blogs, on line comment sections for various media outlets, call in radio shows, etc) that they feel “entitled” to express their opinions in any matter. Very frustrating. It in especially evident in the service industry.
Enjoy your day…or is that too much of a suggestion. LOL!
29 July 2009 | Twilight Said:
Most advice givers are harmless and our using their “knowledge” and experience as a way to talk to you. Most are just chattering away not suspecting your distaste or rejection. The art of conversation is dwendling and for some, advice is just a form of conversation. Traditionally people were expected to only speak of the weather, that can only last for a few sentences. Why not exchange your knowledge, “research”, and “wieghed options” instead of criticing someone’s conversation style and I’ll promise to tell people less horror stories?